My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
