You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
