i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
