Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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