I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
