Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize