I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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