We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize