saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
