I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
