I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
