Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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