Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
