Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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