when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
