Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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