Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
