You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
