don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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