call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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