youre lurking in front of me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
