I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
