Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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