Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
