Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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