haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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