why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
