so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
