Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You work out of a Hotel?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
