im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
