I accidentally burped into my bong.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
