just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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