ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
