he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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