We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
