Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
