He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
