flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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