i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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