i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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