I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize