i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
