just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have fence marks all over my body
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
