You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize