he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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