u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize