i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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