Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
