dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
