do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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