Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
