i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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