I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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