U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
