I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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