i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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