I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize