I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
