then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize