He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
