the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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