So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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