i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are my feet made of real feet?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
