my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
