if i can run in heels then i can drive
the day after is always just damage control
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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