they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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