Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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