The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
