Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
