Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
