If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
