How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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