oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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