I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like abortions should bother me more
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
